So what I’m about to say may come across a tad crazy so I advise you to remain calm and take a deep breath. In fact lay down, this might take a little while to sink in. Are you ready? Ok. KFC have run out of chicken! Just take a few seconds for that to process. Yes… I’m deadly serious. I was on my way home this evening and was feeling rather hungry and the fast food chain in Woolwich, South East London caught my eye. I hadn’t eaten all day so I thought to myself why the hell not? I wandered over and entered the store only to be greeted by an employee who informed me that the store had no chicken left. #saywhat
Quite frankly, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry but I remember seeing other customers taking the news very seriously indeed. A gentleman standing to my left marched right up to the till and asked, “Why in the hell does a chicken shop have no chicken?” I mean, we were all thinking it… To my dismay however, the cashier’s reply was not what I quite expected. Apparently there is a nationwide chicken shortage guys. KFCs everywhere have not had a delivery lorry darken their doors since the restaurant chain switched delivery companies last week to DHL— who seem to be blaming all of their f*ck ups on operational issues. Have the chickens escaped?
Anyway, when I left the restaurant I decided to take to the internet as not only did I not believe it, I was intrigued to find out more about this utter poultry panic. I quickly learned that the lady at the counter was right. The whole country is positively freaking out at the news. Here are some of the top headlines that are shaking the nation:
Indeed, Brits far and wide have been dialling 999 over the latest chicken scandal. One woman speaks to ITV news to express her utter sorrow that she’s ‘ad to go to Burger King. Oh god honey I feel your pain. I’m telling you now… as she said it I almost spat out my tea. #thirdworldproblems
Tower Hamlets Metropolitan Police Service yesterday had to resort to tweeting the public in attempt to get the message across which really is saying something. I just can’t help thinking that the police, as busy as they are, would not bother with a tweet if it was merely five, or even twenty-five calls received. That considered, one has to wonder just how many feather-brained Brits calling the cops on KFC does it take to change a light bulb?
All jokes aside though, would anybody care to please restore my faith in humanity? That would be most appreciated.
Wednesday, 21st February 2018.